look at my works ye mighty and despair. Or not, as the case maybe.
And so farewell Tobe Hooper,
Horror director supreme.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,
That was your big hit.
The Willesden Strimmer Slasher,
Did less well, and
The Barking Leaf Blower Relatively Minor Skirmish,
Went straight to DVD
Brexit gwan ona bit, init? All ahm sayin is, les link up wid dis Kim Jung-iddle-i-po fella. Den stead a keepin dee Nucla waste angin abart up Sellyfield ware dee moles kip diggin it up and splodin, we can ship dee lot out to Norf Career in coupla containers wid dee label sayin Chickin Feet Anat so when Donald Trumpit dumpin couple hundred cruisies on Jung palace in Pyongyang-iddle-i-po nobody noticin all dat plutomiun wat we haxidently droppin off dee day befor.
BILL AND BEN
FLOWER POT MEN OR WHAT?
The language spoken by the Flower Pot Men was known as 'oddle poddle'. Prince Charles and Camilla often speak oddle poddle in their intimate moments.
A HELPFUL GUIDE TO JOHNNY FOREIGNER
If you see a person in the street who is slightly overweight, rush up to them and sing, 'You fat bastard. You fat bastard. You ate all the pies'. You'll soon have everyone singing along.
Avoid Albanians today and, if over 6ft tall, be careful of low doorways particularly if visiting hobbits or other very short people. Your lucky fruit is cumquat..
BONEY M AND RUSSIAN HISTORY.
For years Boney M have languished in the dark afterlife of the faded pop band, unheard, unwanted and un (Fill in later). But if ever there was a pop band ready for re-examination it is Boney M. Apart from Bananarama of course who couldn't quite master singing and dancing at the same time.
NURSERY RHYMES SORTED
Georgie Porgie vegetables and fresh fruit(5 Portions a day),
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play,
They explained to George that his behaviour was inappropriate in this context