SHORT PLAYS
Short Plays 15 minutes or less
Please contact the author to arrange performances: peterbarrett250@googlemail.com. Not all plays are complete. Contact the author for an up-to-date copy.
deaf
DAWN OF THE DEAF
The knives are out when a middle class couple meet their prospective daughter-in-law. Meanwhile their house is surrounded by troublemakers.Runner up for the Kenneth Branagh Award for New Drama Writing 2015, in the Ronald Duncan Prize at the Certainty of Chance Theatre Company and in the Headgate Theatre Colchester short play competition."Dawn of the Deaf was an excellent script. It was incredibly funny with some very well-crafted characters. The dialogue was hilarious" (Certainty of Chance Theatre)
NORMAN  I’ve spent forty years staring at the soles of people’s feet. It’s long enough, isn’t it. You only get 20 years for armed robbery.
JOY  Podiatry. What sort of job was that? He should have been a surgeon. We’d have had that house years ago. It’s name your salary in the private sector.
NORMAN  I’ve done the job long enough. I needed to stop to preserve some vestige of dignity. Dignity. (PATTING HIS POCKETS) Now where on Earth did I leave my dignity?
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endworld
THE END OF THE WORLD (As we know it)
Two Russian soldiers are waiting for Godot in missile silo in Siberia (40 minutes.1F2M)
NICOLAI  Now we must do the missile count. According to my records you have one missile.
ANATOLE  Yes.
NICOLAI  No, no, comrade it is not sufficient to say ‘Yes’. We must complete the missile count according to the Missile Count Procedure Protocol. Are you ready to commence the Missile Count Procedure?
NATOLE  Yes.
NICOLAI  Commence the Missile Count Procedure.
NATOLE  One.
NICOLAI  Correct. That concludes the Missile Count Procedure.
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guilty
GUILTY
Alice is on trial for her failures as a woman (Originally performed at the Wolsey Theatre Ipswich and Sky Blue Theatre in London)

ALICE: My mother actually expects me to spend my Christmas morning sweating over 20lbs of dead flesh. Matthew has a turkey. If she wants a turkey why can't she go to him. My sister-in-law cooks a perfect turkey. And mum’s always going on about what a success he is - He's got his own business, kids in public school - Of course that's why he can't visit her. Because he's so busy isn't he. Whereas me, I'm not too busy. I have all the time in the world to spend with my mother. Because I'm just a housewife. And not even a very good housewife at that.
PROSECUTOR  Mothers and daughters are always closer.
ALICE  Are they? Is that a law or something? I mean, when was it passed? I don't remember the debate in Parliament. Who made it a law?
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mole
THE ADULTERER AND MR MOLE
A strange man called Mr Mole knows everything there is to know about Davies and his life.(Cast of Three.30 minutes) Winner of the Sky Blue Theatre Award and currently being filmed by Mini Mammoth Films

MOLE  I've got this other graph to show you. I think it might help, you see, if we step back a bit. (TYPES AT HIS KEYBOARD) This graph plots the long lunch hours you and Miss Richards took over the last two years. See. Fairly consistent at first. Then, over the last few months, a slow, but distinct, decline. I'll just put a trend line on it, like so, extend the axis and... you see, your affair is going to end the minute that trend line hits the horizontal axis. Which is. 10:30 on the 2nd February next year.
DAVIES  That just ridiculous.
MOLE  I’m joking. I don’t know the actual time. Just the day.
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body
THE BODY
Dave accepts a favour from a neighbouring criminal and now it’s payback time (Cast of Three.30 minutes)

DAVE  I just took it for its MOT. Failed of course. Miserably. And it’s going to cost at least a grand to get it fixed. I’ve been hoping that someone might steal it. But then who’d want to nick a car like this?
MERV  You’d be surprised – they’ll nick anything, kids these days, dunno what’s the matter with ‘em. When I was their ‘age, I only went for quality
DAVE  I don’t think even kids would want this one.
MERV  ‘Fing is, these things can be like arranged y’know.
DAVE  What d’you mean?
MERV  Well believe it or not, there’s certain disreputable sorts who’d nick anything if it ain’t nailed darn.(PAUSE) Especially if I ask ‘em to
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freud
Id!
Freud faces his ultimate challenge as he clears up the devil's hangups (2M.30 mins)

FREUD  So after five years of psychoanalysis - Do you feel better?
MR BUB  Better than what?
FREUD  Better than you felt before.
MR BUB  Oh yes. I used to have these terrible headaches, used to last for days on end. I had to lie in a dark room wearing ear plugs.
FREUD  It is true the mind can manifest psychological hurt as actual, physical pain.
MR BUB  Yes, he definitely sorted out the headaches. (BEAT) Of course having that bullet removed from my skull also helped a bit.
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micky
MICKY'S DAD
A hopeless football team are transformed by a new player, but the victories come at a cost.

.Oh really. Well I’ll tell what, you can give ‘em a message from me. It’s cold. It’s wet. It’s Saturday afternoon and I’ve got a thousand better things I could be doing than trying to turn these kids into footballers just because their stupid ignorant parents think they’ve bred a dozen David Beckhams. And if you think you can do better with this lot, then be my guest because I’m off. I’m going shopping with the wife and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m quite looking forward to it. (LEAVING) Because anything has to be better than standing here talking to you.
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