Pete Barrett Plays and More
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! Or probably not.
Breaking News
Fakes
And So Farewell
Konspiracies
And so farewell Barbara Windsor.
You were landlady at the Old Vic.
Get out of my pub, that was your catchphrase,
A packet of Smokey Bacon crisps does not qualify,
As a substantial meal.
You were in a series of Carry On films, it says here.
Having watched a few now, I think they should be banned
Immediately, if not sooner.
They make no sense.
Why, when a lady is walking,
Is there always a man playing a saxophone nearby.
Be realistic, what are the chances of that happening?
“Phwoar! Don't get many of them to the pound.”
Is a pointless phrase if you don't specify the commodity involved.
Saying “Ding Dong” when a young lady walks by,
Is offensive to both feminists, and to a lesser extent, bellringers.
"Are you satisfied with your equipment, Miss Allcock?"
"Well, I've had no complaints so far."
Who is Miss Allcock and what is the nature of her equipment?
And why is Kenneth Williams lusting after Hattie Jacques
When she's huge and he's a homosexual?
And why does everyone say
“Oooo, Matron!” All the time?
I think we should be told.
You were landlady at the Old Vic.
Get out of my pub, that was your catchphrase,
A packet of Smokey Bacon crisps does not qualify,
As a substantial meal.
You were in a series of Carry On films, it says here.
Having watched a few now, I think they should be banned
Immediately, if not sooner.
They make no sense.
Why, when a lady is walking,
Is there always a man playing a saxophone nearby.
Be realistic, what are the chances of that happening?
“Phwoar! Don't get many of them to the pound.”
Is a pointless phrase if you don't specify the commodity involved.
Saying “Ding Dong” when a young lady walks by,
Is offensive to both feminists, and to a lesser extent, bellringers.
"Are you satisfied with your equipment, Miss Allcock?"
"Well, I've had no complaints so far."
Who is Miss Allcock and what is the nature of her equipment?
And why is Kenneth Williams lusting after Hattie Jacques
When she's huge and he's a homosexual?
And why does everyone say
“Oooo, Matron!” All the time?
I think we should be told.
Today we reveal the shocking truth about the latest Konspiracy theory.
Today’s Konspiracy Question.
Is the world being run by shape shifting lizards?
Our Answer: No. It isn’t
Today’s Konspiracy Question.
Is the world being run by shape shifting lizards?
Our Answer: No. It isn’t
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FROM THE ARCHIVES.
Feast yourself on these pre-loved classics from my old website Why do women need so many shoes? Find the answer in my GUIDE TO WOMEN Learn how BILL AND BEN were a front end for Maoist fanatics and the true terrifying meaning of flob-a-lob. Read the devastating LOVE STORY about a boy in love with a girl who cares nothing for Flipper the insensitive bitch. Also read about THE DANGERS OF COMMUNISM and why Putin is not the shy, sensitive type he appears on the surface. Boney M better than the Beatles worse than Banananarama. Find the truth behind their GREATEST HITS You thought Star Wars was the greatest thing since sliced breadmen from Tattoine. Read my STAR WARS page to find out the horrible truth. Ronald Reagan used the dark powers to decide whether to bomb Russia or have a day off. Destiny awaits you at my GUIDE TO YOUR STARS page. It wasn’t always easy for the world’s greatest artists, such as myself. Read how even the greatest artists suffered endless REJECTION LETTERS Johnny Foreigner is not so bad but don’t understand our English ways. My GUIDE FOR FOREIGNERS will soon put them straight. Still reading those old NURSERY RHYMES to your children. You need to wise up to their sinister propagandist intent. Do you suffer from Deja Vu? Do you also suffer from Deja Vu? Might it be that you’re DRINKING TOO MUCH? Do you have trouble distinguishing boiled beef from carrots. You need to LEARN TO SPEAK COCKNEY I am a man of letters. In fact have sixteen letters in my name and that’s just for starters. Checkout my LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Feast yourself on these pre-loved classics from my old website Why do women need so many shoes? Find the answer in my GUIDE TO WOMEN Learn how BILL AND BEN were a front end for Maoist fanatics and the true terrifying meaning of flob-a-lob. Read the devastating LOVE STORY about a boy in love with a girl who cares nothing for Flipper the insensitive bitch. Also read about THE DANGERS OF COMMUNISM and why Putin is not the shy, sensitive type he appears on the surface. Boney M better than the Beatles worse than Banananarama. Find the truth behind their GREATEST HITS You thought Star Wars was the greatest thing since sliced breadmen from Tattoine. Read my STAR WARS page to find out the horrible truth. Ronald Reagan used the dark powers to decide whether to bomb Russia or have a day off. Destiny awaits you at my GUIDE TO YOUR STARS page. It wasn’t always easy for the world’s greatest artists, such as myself. Read how even the greatest artists suffered endless REJECTION LETTERS Johnny Foreigner is not so bad but don’t understand our English ways. My GUIDE FOR FOREIGNERS will soon put them straight. Still reading those old NURSERY RHYMES to your children. You need to wise up to their sinister propagandist intent. Do you suffer from Deja Vu? Do you also suffer from Deja Vu? Might it be that you’re DRINKING TOO MUCH? Do you have trouble distinguishing boiled beef from carrots. You need to LEARN TO SPEAK COCKNEY I am a man of letters. In fact have sixteen letters in my name and that’s just for starters. Checkout my LETTERS TO THE EDITOR